Mental Health Challenge: Relationships #1

I think it goes without saying mental health greatly affects our relationships with others.  For me it's one of the most frustrating aspects of having a mental illness. I accept who I am for the most part, but it's terribly hard to accept that these parts of me that I do not want have the power to affect my relationships with those I hold so dear to my heart.

Regardless of mental health status, I feel that everyone is constantly growing as a person. Some more than others. Others are more active in their eagerness to continuously evolve into the person they know they can become, while the rest are on the sidelines or possibly haven't graduated into a certain level of maturity.

When we actively pursue treatment to gain the strength needed to take back our lives we learn things. Invaluable things about ourselves. Like how did we get so far down in the first place? How do we communicate more effectively? How do we set personal boundaries, while also respecting the boundaries of others? I have learned an unimaginable amount  of information about myself over the years, and I feel that had I not been forced to really look these issues in the eye and proactively find solutions to my own personal problems that I would have never even walked this territory. So it feels good. I may not have been "cured", but can say with 100% honesty that I am a better person today then I was a year ago, or the year before that.

With all of the ups and downs, it can be really hard to stay focused on the "ups", especially for those who are around us on a daily basis. They might remember the let-downs and frustrations more than we do. If this happens, it can trigger a relapse, depression, guilt and other painful emotions that we work so hard to unglue ourselves from. 

What can we do when this happens? Cultivate empathy. I know, it sounds like....more work. Haven't we got enough on our plates already? Yes we do, but we cannot expect the ones we love to just keep paddling with us and not become affected some how, even when things are running smooth. I think this is also when we need to call in forgiveness, not just for the other person but for yourself. If you are harboring resentments and frustrations, the last thing you want to do is comfort another person. Guess what? They feel the same way. So meet in the middle on common ground and find the positive. There is always positive. If we focus on the negative, we will make more negativity. 

Living with a mental illness is a complex thing. Being in a relationship is a complex thing. These two can occur simultaneously and peacefully. With some work, communication, education and love we can do more than cope....we can live, love, gain strength and create lasting positive memories. (Tips to come)

The next post in this series will be dealing more specifically with different relationships. Are you a parent or a child of a parent with a mental illness? Stay tuned for Relationships #2.

Photo-a-Day #5

Self-help: Visualizing the Future

Neuroplasticity: the capacity of neurons and neural networks in the brain to change their connections/synapses and behavior in response to new information, sensory stimulation, development, damage, or dysfunction.
(Britannica.)

We all do it. We all visualize the future and for some of us this means: daily anxiety, provoking and mental chatter that goes on behind the curtains practically all day long. We all know worry isn't productive, but it seems we just can't stop the rocker. It's ingrained, it's hard-wired, it's "who we are". How did this happen or where did it start? A complicated answer to a complicated question, every story is different. Our brains are more prone to these negative, catastrophic thinking for whatever reason. The end result is more anxiety, stress, depression and the atomic bomb of physical symptoms. Thus, the snowball effect.

Can we re-boot the system? "I'd like to order a new hard drive and memory card please!"

Visualizing the future in a positive light. Sounded blah to me when it was first suggested to me.
Hocus pocus? Absolutely not. I first put neuroplasticity to the test while suffering from agoraphobia. I could barely drive to the store 2 miles away. Actually that's an understatement. It was more like hell on wheels. It would stimulate a panic attack every single time, even with my husband driving and myself in the passenger seat. My agoraphobia really closed me off from the world for almost a year.

One of the tools I forced myself to use was to visualize myself making it. Actually completing the trip to the grocery store without panicking, just driving and shopping like all the rest of the normal people. I would do this in my therapist's office and in the comfort of my own home. Anticipatory anxiety is the worst, and aside from breathing, this was one of the whips that helped drive the demon farther away.

Athletes are told to visualize the race, the pass, the score. Musicians visualize playing their instruments or performing. We have the ability within ourselves to re-wire our brains. We can create new connections and responses from our own tiny little thoughts. Think of positive affirmations. They may seem corny to some, but they do work....with time and practice. Every time you actively decide to think of something differently or play out in your head how you want to say or behave you initiate new synapses between the neurons in your brain. The more these synapses are activated (or thinking/imagining) occurs the stronger the path becomes.

I like to think of it this way: Walking the trails in wooded areas I've often wondered how many footprints it took to actually form a path or trail. I always love seeing the paths the deer make. A trail of stepped on grasses that lead to somewhere magical in nature. All of these pathways didn't just happen, it took a series of foot or hoof prints to make the ground conform. This is true with our thought processes as well.

I personally think guided meditations help make this easier. Many of them ask you to visualize yourself in different peaceful and harmonious ways, physically and emotionally. The more you use the meditations the more benefits you will reap.

We can do this with our daily thoughts as well. It is your brain, you own it. We do have the power to control our thoughts. If we can recognize destructive thinking, that is our opportunity to stop and flip the script and make a new story. Yes, it's hard. Yes it takes patience and perseverance. Yes, you can do it.

Photo-a-Day #4

STIGMA

"It's all in your head."

Mental health stigma cuts deep. Affecting confidence, self-esteem, self-stigma (yes we stigmatize ourselves) and reaching treatment goals. Those with mental illnesses that affect their behavior are more stigmatized than others, because people can actually "see" the illness.

I wonder as an anxiety-panic person, what it is people actually think of me? I shouldn't care because it's none of my business but when the day is done, guess what? I do care. I have only been called a few names in the book, but it's mostly how others behave towards me that suggest how they really feel.

I am pretty good at hiding how I feel when I need to. We become better actors with time. Emotions and things of the mind are not on everyone's "comfortable" list. So naturally we try to cover it up. I myself will try to minimize things, keeping the hairy growling beast deep down in my gut where I think it belongs.

Going back to what's visible and what is not... A mental illness is never "all in someone's head". A mental illness affects the entire being; body, soul and mind. When I hear of someone who has breast cancer, I don't think or say, "it's all in their breast"! The brain is a vital organ, hidden behind the scenes controlling every single thing our bodies do. Every task, every step, every word, our breath, our heart beat. There's nothing this lean mean jelly machine cannot do! Unfortunately it gets sick too. It doesn't always function the way it should.

The only way I know how to end mental health stigma is education. I believe this is not just the responsiblity of the medical community. Those who suffer from mental illness are the number one scholars on this topic. We know more about our mental health and it's effects better than anyone.

Keeping our struggles and demons hidden does not make us any stronger. Real strength comes through courage and honesty. I'm not saying to go have a heart to heart with anyone who will listen, but be aware for those opportunities to speak up.

The Huffington Post has some great articles on mental health stigma if you'd like to read more on this challenge.

Photo-a-Day #3

Panic Attacks!

When someone experiences their first panic attack they think they are dying. It is not uncommon to end up in emergency room multiple times when panic attacks start. I will never ever forget my first panic attack, or any of them really and I have experienced hundreds.

A panic attack is a stimulation of the body's flight or fight response. The flight or fight response starts in our hypothalamus located in the "don't mess with me" area of the brain. Once the body perceives danger, the flight or fight response kicks in. It's mission is to keep you safe. It tells the blood to go away from the extremities and come to the heart, lungs and large muscles to prepare you for either fighting off an enemy (bear, robber etc..) or to run for your life to safety. 

During this process the hypothalamus releases chemical messengers to other areas of the brain in order to get the sympathetic nervous system all riled up, releasing chemicals and hormones (such as adrenaline) through the blood stream.

With a panic attack there is usually no physical danger present to activate the flight or fight response. This response comes from acute stress, extreme emotions, fear or other mental "attacks". A panic attack can come on just by worrying about having another panic attack, which is a characteristic of panic disorder.

What physically happens when you have a panic attack:

• Hyperventilating, shortness of breath, feeling like you just can't breath deep enough.
• Racing heart, heart palpitations (premature or skipped beats)
• Chest pain, heaviness or discomfort
• Trembling, uncontrolled shaking
• Sweating (sweating palms and feet are very common)
• Feeling dizzy, light-headed or faint
• Nausea, upset stomach
• Tingling or numbness
• Hot flashes or feeling cold
• Feeling out of reality, or a sense of being detached from your body
• Fear of dying, going crazy

As you can see, it's no wonder why we think we are dying, or go for emergency help! I personally have always experienced every single one of these symptoms during all of my panic attacks. You don't just pick a few from the list, you feel it all.

Panic disorder is when you experience multiple panic attacks, constantly fear having another panic attack, and avoid certain situations that make you feel anxious. Panic disorder can occur with or without agoraphobia.

Agoraphobia is a fear to leave your "safe" zones. Maybe you fear being in a car, going to the mall, the grocery store, school, the doctor's office etc... Agoraphobia is extremely debilitating, and hard for others to understand. Slowly the world of an agoraphobic person becomes smaller and smaller without actively pursuing treatment which is hard to do when the fear is so strong. I call agoraphobia the fear of fear itself. We avoid situations that make us feel fear.