Mental Health Challenge: Relationships #1

I think it goes without saying mental health greatly affects our relationships with others.  For me it's one of the most frustrating aspects of having a mental illness. I accept who I am for the most part, but it's terribly hard to accept that these parts of me that I do not want have the power to affect my relationships with those I hold so dear to my heart.

Regardless of mental health status, I feel that everyone is constantly growing as a person. Some more than others. Others are more active in their eagerness to continuously evolve into the person they know they can become, while the rest are on the sidelines or possibly haven't graduated into a certain level of maturity.

When we actively pursue treatment to gain the strength needed to take back our lives we learn things. Invaluable things about ourselves. Like how did we get so far down in the first place? How do we communicate more effectively? How do we set personal boundaries, while also respecting the boundaries of others? I have learned an unimaginable amount  of information about myself over the years, and I feel that had I not been forced to really look these issues in the eye and proactively find solutions to my own personal problems that I would have never even walked this territory. So it feels good. I may not have been "cured", but can say with 100% honesty that I am a better person today then I was a year ago, or the year before that.

With all of the ups and downs, it can be really hard to stay focused on the "ups", especially for those who are around us on a daily basis. They might remember the let-downs and frustrations more than we do. If this happens, it can trigger a relapse, depression, guilt and other painful emotions that we work so hard to unglue ourselves from. 

What can we do when this happens? Cultivate empathy. I know, it sounds like....more work. Haven't we got enough on our plates already? Yes we do, but we cannot expect the ones we love to just keep paddling with us and not become affected some how, even when things are running smooth. I think this is also when we need to call in forgiveness, not just for the other person but for yourself. If you are harboring resentments and frustrations, the last thing you want to do is comfort another person. Guess what? They feel the same way. So meet in the middle on common ground and find the positive. There is always positive. If we focus on the negative, we will make more negativity. 

Living with a mental illness is a complex thing. Being in a relationship is a complex thing. These two can occur simultaneously and peacefully. With some work, communication, education and love we can do more than cope....we can live, love, gain strength and create lasting positive memories. (Tips to come)

The next post in this series will be dealing more specifically with different relationships. Are you a parent or a child of a parent with a mental illness? Stay tuned for Relationships #2.